How I Lost My Phone Due To Recession

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So, I had an encounter with armed robbers last week at my house

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It wasn’t like they broke into my house Hollywood style (cracked the lock with a decryption tool that was stolen from the CIA by a rouge operative) ,

Bollywood style (The robbers start singing outside, the house owner opens the door to sing and dance with them…..),

Nollywood style (recite incantations for 5 minutes, touch the door 3 times with a stick covered with cowries…..).

No they didn’t break into my house, na me no get sense.

I was collecting fresh breeze outside around 12:30 am.

The robbers came, entered my house, and then said to me “Follow Us”.

I had to follow them inside as I didn’t have any other choice, I thought about running away, then I saw the way one them held his gun, he looked like he killed someone with the gun 30 minutes ago.

As I no fit run pass gun and I still get many things to do for this life, I followed them inside.

On getting inside, their boss told me bring out everything I have, starting from my phone. I dropped my 215,000 naira phone on the table, went inside and brought out my belongings.

Boss: Are you sure this is everything you have.

Me: yes sir(stammering)

Boss: If I go inside and see something else, you are a dead man.

Me: I swear , that’s everything I have.

Boss: what about garri, you no get garri?

Me: garri?…garri dey.

Boss: What about that deep freezer for corner, cold water no dey inside?

Me: cold water dey sir

Boss: Abeg go bring garri come, boys dey hungry.

I just turn errand boy immediately, who am I to say no?

You know sey Gun dey give person power….If a 9 years old boy with a gun tells you to go and buy biscuit for him, no matter how old you are, you must go and buy that biscuit.

I brought out the garri and they started drinking, after a while the boss was like “why you just dey there dey dull, go bring more garri and join us”.

I joined them, and before I knew it, we started gisting, we talked about a lot of things, we cracked jokes, laughed, played games, it felt like we’ve known ourselves for a long time.

I was having so much fun and was even wishing they won’t leave.

You know, make robbers come your house and you start wishing they don’t leave, the experience was that mind blowing.

I was surprised when their boss ordered them to pack my phone and other belongings with them when they were about to leave.

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I was like “how far na, you go still carry them go? , I think sey we don become friends?”

Boss: friends?……For this recession ??

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